Let Us be Something Every Minute: Growing Past Cancer

“Dear God” she prayed, “let me be something every minute of every hour of my life.  Let me be gay; let me be sad.  Let me be cold; let me be warm.  Let me be hungry…have too much to eat.  Let me be ragged or well dressed.  Let me be sincere- be deceitful.  Let me be truthful; let me be a liar.  Let me be honorable and let me sin.  Only let me be something every blessed minute.  And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is every lost.” - from A Tree Grows in Booklyn by Betty Smith, 1943

Cancer is as much a disease of emotional struggle as it is physical. I read this book recently, and the excerpt really resonated with me, moving me to joyful tears. I re-read the paragraph over and over in the quiet of the night, the noisiness of the ballet studio, and aloud to each member of my family..  These words so reflect the internal bargaining that many go through when battling cancer.  "Please let me survive," we plead, "and I promise to appreciate every moment of every day,"  Then, when we are finally out from the dark tunnel of treatment, our faces once again in the sun, there is a deep and eternal appreciation of living, of feeling the seconds, the moments, and hopefully compiling them into years of grateful survival.  

Sometimes fears of recurrence pull cancer survivors to a panicked place, inciting desperation to validate one's alive-ness by living, even over-living.  I know this first hand.  For those that have been stricken with cancer and struggle in those moments of recurring fear, those that support loved ones that are dealing with cancer, and even those that have survived 50 years past cancer but still have occasional fear, I assure you that you are not alone.  These emotions are not all bad.  Cancer survival, and its associated gratefulness for life, lead many to explore a new hobby, take on a new challenge, love a little deeper, be more forgiving, loosen up.  Our perspective changes and we not only see the forest for the trees, but the trees for the leaves, and the life-giving air and sun. 

To live ones life with an authentic appreciation for living is, in a sense, like living it from death backwards.  Facing off our mortality makes us realize the gift that is time.  How wonderful to more fully value and feel watching our children sprout and branch out, opportunities to learn and lead, our ability to share and impart, and time to just breath..  To be "above ground" consciously experiencing and engaging in the full breadth of what it is to be part of humankind is to be truly alive.  To smell the ocean and earth, feel the biting cold, cry at our losses, celebrate our joys, laugh out loud, help others in need, and learn something new every day is like the unwrapping of gift after gift after gift.

Perfect or not... how blessed we are to be something every minute of every day.  The quote above says it all and more.  

Here's to the adventure called life, the medical and scientific communities that afford people like me the chance to live, and generous souls everywhere that support research and care.  May our combined philanthropic and humanitarian efforts afford more people struggling with cancer the chance to survive, and touch all the wonder that is "life".   

Breast Cancer Surgeons Should Limit Bias in Patient Dialogues

As I celebrate the third anniversary of my reconstruction and, on some levels, my resurrection, I am struck by how little advancement has been made in terms of educating women about their full range of surgical options to address breast cancer. 

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, I often find myself in a counseling role, supporting women newly diagnosed with breast cancer.  One of the most difficult decisions for these women to make relates to breast surgery.  Lumpectomy or Mastectomy? Reconstruction or Not?

Aside from the obvious imperative to remove the insidious cancer cells from the body, there's just so much to consider.  The considerations are extremely unique and personal to each and every individual woman.  Not only do these early decisions effect a woman physically and in terms of recurrence risk, but may impact her psychological and emotional well-being going forward.  These "quality of life" consideration MUST be given weighted consideration by both the patient and her team of physicians.

With the trend towards minimally invasive surgery and breast conserving lumpectomy, those that may benefit from breast removal (mastectomy) and aesthetic breast reconstruction are often made to feel over-reactive or overly conservative in their desire to explore the choice of mastectomy for early stage breast cancer.  I am not advocating for mastectomy.  Trust me, there are many times when I wish I could re-wind back to the days of having real breasts and the associated sexual benefits.  I am advocating, however, that all women facing breast cancer should be presented with their full range of possible surgical options before commencing their treatment plans. 

What many women do not know, for instance, is that some electing mastectomy over lumpectomy may be able to avert radiation therapy, which carries a risk of degrading tissue.  Also for consideration is the fact that lumpectomy can mar the breast aesthetic with its resulting scarring and divets.  It's not an easy or automatic decision.  Women should be shown the possible outcomes of plastic surgery breast reconstruction so that they can envision the end results of their cancer removal decisions.  Additionally, they need to be made aware of nipple sparing mastectomy and its benefit for some (see attached article).

I expect that as chemotherapy drugs continue to improve, and radiation treatment more pinpointed, fewer women with early stage breast cancer will truly gain recurrence risk reduction benefits by having radical breast removal surgery.  However, in the interim, women that want to insure or gain psychological/emotional faith in their survival after breast cancer, and those for whom aesthetic is emotionally important,  mastectomy with reconstruction should be offered, one of many options to fully consider at the very beginning of the breast cancer journey towards overall wellness.

Three happy years later, I feel and look great!

"Fields of Hope" ArtWear Aids Women Beyond Breast Cancer

Across the globe, over a MILLION women and men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. But, what happens after the words "You have breast cancer" are heard? While earlier diagnosis, better understandings of breast cancer sub-types, and improved treatments are allowing more to survive the disease, many fail to truly thrive after breast cancer. Why?

I have spent the past several years trying to understand this, during which I have personally counseled dozens of women and men dealing with breast cancer, attended numerous breast cancer patient events, and ruminated on the topic, sometimes late into the night. For too many, most in fact, the fear, anxiety, and depression that follow a breast cancer diagnosis can dramatically reduce quality of life and negatively impact work and relationships. It is my belief that survivors, whether they are actually pre-vivors with genetic risk indicators, or whether they are survivors of advanced breast cancer, can suffer from a sort of "post-traumatic stress." In terms of living beyond breast cancer, this can be truly debilitating. Think about it. You've been diagnosed with a disease that threatens to a) take your life, and b) possibly recur after treatment ends. Most that are diagnosed are not naturally equipped with the coping skills necessary to minimize post-cancer anxiety to a point necessary to entirely "resume" their pre-cancer lives. I am one of the lucky ones. I have a terrific family support system. Activities like art and music, yoga, walking, friendship, and activism have enabled me to move past two bouts of breast cancer. The grey cloud of breast cancer recurrence anxiety very rarely blocks the sun from me now. (My breast reconstruction also helped me feel normal again.) Yoga sessions offered at my cancer clinic helped me turn the page after my treatments ended, and for that I am very grateful.

I know first hand that not all are so fortunate. This is where I want to really make a difference - helping others to "break out" of cancer's emotional/psychological hold, and live out the best lives they can. One giant aspect of recovery - the psychological, emotional, and social dynamic - is still somewhat of a "black hole" in cancer care. Yet, this aspect is absolutely vital to holistic recovery. Thanks to the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation, The Avon/Love Army of Women is beginning to facilitate measurable research studies on the topic of psycho-social wellness after breast cancer and its impact on post-cancer health. (see: www.armyofwomen.org) So many women I have had the honor to counsel report feeling depressed and scared after cancer, but are uncomfortable with traditional support group settings. Often, they truly want to do more to recover, but are so financially beaten by cancer tretament costs that signing up for a yoga class just isn't possible. (To this I can personnaly relate.) So, what to do?

I believe the answer lies in offering women opportunities for emotional and psychological recovery through shared activities, learning new skills/hobbies, a chance to talk with other survivors during creative workshops, yoga, "art therapy" sessions. In my opinion, this should be an integral part of treatment! The most progressive cancer clinics are beginning to offer emotional wellness programs as part of their wellness care. It just plain makes sense, even economically, Happier women are more productive women in every way. To survive breast cancer is great, but to THRIVE after breast cancer - AMAZING!!

To that end, my team and I have begun offering "Fields of Hope" ArtWear. "Fields of Hope" shirts are printed with earth-friendly inks on organic cotton, and the fine art images are all about empowering survivors. Funds from this project will sponsor opportunities for women to actively engage in their own psycho/social and emotional recovery BEYOND breast cancer, bringing together people from different "fields" (artists, wellness, yoga, counseling, etc.) that may offer therapeutic hope and recovery to breast cancer survivors. The fundraising ArtWear, designed and signed by acclaimed artist Ken Maryanski, is available at FRINGE Boutique in New Hampshire (also on FaceBook), and by order (email: bcfieldsofhope@gmail.com).

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. There is much that can be done to help others step forward into optimal wellness after breast cancer.